So I’ve been feeling down and not motivated to write lately. I always think of cool things to write but then I think to myself, “Nah, no one will want to read that.” and so I don’t write it, and don’t share it, and promptly forget what the cool thing was that I wanted to write about.
I got an iPad mini, after wanting an iPad for years I finally got one. I researched, found, downloaded, purchased a few writing apps for my new iPad, and even have a nifty keyboard case that I’m using to type out this post right now. And still I have not posted here in a while. Why?
I started thinking about it and I know it’s fear. I love to write and many tell me I’m good and they love my work, but I still fear that my work will amount to nothing. We all fear that we are no good. And when it is something so integral to your soul as writing is to mine, I fear putting it on display for rejection. We all do, it’s human nature.
So why put it out there? Why subject myself to the imagined rejection that my writing could bring? Because just like fearing that rejection, my heart craves for vindication, for confirmation that I am worth something.
I’m a writer. I constantly have 20 books going in my head and new ideas for more are never ending. I have written since I was a child. I got accused of plagiarism in the 7th grade because my teacher just knew there was no way a kid could have written what I wrote. My Mom had to show her books and binders of my writing so she would believe that I had written it. It’s part of me and I don’t know how NOT to write. It’s always been there.
Sometimes life gets in the way and time passes without a post here. But I’m always thinking about it and now that I have my iPad, maybe typing out a post when I have a few quick moments won’t be so bad. So shower me with warm comments and keep the cold ones to yourself ’cause this is one writer who can’t stop writing.
~ Eileen 🙂